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工作減壓七箴言(傳揚)

追求平衡和諧的人生(飛揚)

與成功人生有約(飛揚)

聰明的四樣小物 (傳揚)

溝通的智慧(傳揚)

完整的生命(海外校園)

娃娃乖乖不聽話(飛揚)

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Chinese/English Version (translated by:  Violet Chen)

Financial Management 101

Seven Proverbs for Channeling Your Stresses

Balancing Your Family, Faith & Work

Rendezvous with Success 

The Wisdom of Communication

A Full Life

教養孩童，使他走當行的道，就是到老他也不偏離。(箴22:6)  Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.  (Pro. 22:6)

執子之手舔犢情(飛揚)      娃娃的喜歡(愛家)    牽她手，帶他走(飛揚)        從聖經看比較(導向)

若不是耶和華建造房屋，建造的人就枉然勞力；若不是耶和華看守城池，看守的人就枉然儆醒。(詩127:1)  Unless the Lord builds the house, They labor in vain who build it; Unless the Lord guards the city, the watchman keeps awake in vain.

加州大學伯克萊分校（University of California, Berkeley）心理學理論家戴安娜．鮑姆林德（Diana Baumrind），在歷經十年研究後，首度提出「權威性」養育法的優越性。研究成果報告中，鮑姆林德提出養育兒女風格大略可分出四種類型的父母：

一、「威權型父母」(Authoritarian parents)：其特色是立下許多的限制和對兒女的期望；父母嚴格執行，兒女唯命是從。

二、「威信型父母」(Authoritative parents)：也有制定家規，但較有彈性；父母不僅主動向兒女解釋制定家規的原因，同時自己也身體力行。兒女們不僅能瞭解到「限制」是出於「愛護」，也能感受到父母的愛心和家庭的溫暖。

三、「放任型父母」(Indulgent parents)：這類父母對孩子行為上的約束力非常有限，父母態度是隨和的、可溝通的，但本身卻不具備任何的權威。

四、「放牛吃草型父母」(Uninvolved parents)：這類父母對兒女不抱任何的期望和要求，同時對兒女的請求，也表現出懶得理會或回應。少部份的父母更表現出忽略、疏忽，甚至拒絕承擔父母的角色。

以此分類對70年代學齡前孩童進行研究，結果是：  

「放牛吃草型父母」的兒女，在所有領域中，表現最為低劣，造成的社會問題也是最大。 

「放任型父母」的兒女，則常表現出任性、有侵略性、缺乏自信心和成績低落。 

「威權型父母」養育出來的兒女，會表現出情緒困擾和脾氣暴躁。 這是因為當父母親，嚴厲要求過多過高，甚至苛求時，雖有助於能力表現和行為控制，但情緒管理就容易出現偏差。 

「威信型父母」的兒女，則表現出肯合作、自律、有活力、友善和肯上進。因為有責任心的父母親，既能即時回應兒女，也重視兒女心理成長的各樣的需要。又因「威信型父母」比「威權型父母」更客觀、更有效率；尤其對青少年，隨著年歲的增長，更具有權威、影響力、說服力。 

透過這一堂課學習上述四類型的父母，我需要在哪些方面稍作調整，讓我們的親子關係與互動更加美好？請分享。

After ten years of researches, Dr. Diana Baumrind, a research psychologist with University of California at Berkeley, explained the superiority of authoritative style of parenting. She mentioned that generally speaking, parenting can be categorized in four types:

 1. Authoritarian parenting: parents set clear boundaries, restrictions and expectations for their children.  Parents strictly abide by the rules and children are expected to be obedient.

2.  Authoritative parents: parents also set rules, but are more flexible; They not only explain to their children the reasons for the rules but also follow those rules themselves.  Children not only understand that the restrictions are for their own protections, but also can sense the love and warmth from their parents and their home.

3. Indulgent parents; These type of parents have very little control over their children. Their attitudes are compliant, easy to communicate with, but they lack any authority to their children.

 4.  Uninvolved parents: This type of parents have no expectations or requirements to their children. They also lack responses or interests to their children’s requests. A few of them are even negligent and sometimes evasive of their parental responsibilities.

The research based on the children in the seventies has the following results:

Children of “Uninvolved Parents” has the worst performances in all areas. They also created the greatest social problems.

Children of “Indulgent Parents” usually are wayward, aggressive, lack self confidence and have poor academic performances.

Children of “Authoritarian Parents” usually are emotionally disturbed and temperamental.  This could be resulted from the overly demanding parental expectations. Even though the children might have been compliant to the parents at the time of discipline, but they might turn out to be poor in their management of their own emotions.

Children of “Authoritative Parents” come across as cooperative, self-disciplined, energetic, friendly and eager to learn.  Their parents were responsible and responsive to their children, paying detail attentions to their children’s emotional development. The Authoritative Parents are more objective than the Authoritarian Parents, and therefore more efficient in their parenting especially as the teenage children grow in age, they are more authoritative, influential and persuasive.

After we studies these four types of parenting, we might notice our own needs of adjustments so that we can have better relationship with our teenagers.  Please share some of your learnings.

東方傳統教育之省思(飛揚)           教育中外古今   

「因為主所愛的他必管教，又鞭打凡所收納的兒子。」(來12:6)  For those whom the Lord loves He disciplines, and He scourges every son whom He receives. Hebrews 12:6

「教養孩童，使他走當行的道，就是到老他也不偏離。」(箴22:6)  Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6

「杖打和責備，能加增智慧；放縱的兒子使母親羞愧。」(箴29:15)To discipline and reprimand a child produces wisdom, but a mother is disgraced by an undisciplined child. (Proverbs 29:15)

「管教你的兒子，他就使你得安息，也必使你心裡喜樂。」(箴29:17)Discipline your children, and they will give you happiness and peace of mind. (Proverbs 29:17)

疼愛兒女的，隨時管教(海外校園)       

「不忍用杖打兒子的，是恨惡他‧疼愛兒子的，隨時管教‧」(箴13:24)  If you refuse to discipline your children, it proves you don’t love them; if you love your children, you will be prompt to discipline them. (Proverbs 13:24) 

「最要緊的是彼此切實相愛，因為愛能遮掩許多的罪。」(前4:7~8)  Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins. (I Peter 4:7-8)

 管教兒女十戒            東方傳統教育之省思(飛揚)  

「我們知道，我們是屬上帝的，全世界都臥在那惡者手下。」(約壹5:19)  We know that we are children of God and that the world around us is under the power and control of the evil one.(I John 5:19)

「不要看自己過於所當看的；要照著神所分給各人信心的大小，看得合乎中道。」(羅12:3)Be honest in your estimate of yourselves, measuring your value by how much faith God has given you.」(Romans 12:3)

    牽她手，帶他走(飛揚)        從聖經看比較(導向)     

你們作父親的，不要惹兒女的氣，只要照著主的教訓和警戒，養育他們。(弗6:4)  And now a word to you fathers, don’t make your children angry by the way you treat them, Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction approved by the Lord.(Ephesians 6:4)

被譽為「家庭治療哥倫布」（Columbus of Family Therapy）國際知名的女性家庭治療大師維琴尼亞‧薩提亞（Virginia Satir，1916~1988AD），是美國最具影響力的首席心理治療大師，也是美國家庭治療發展史上最重要人物之一，曾被美國著名的《人類行為雜誌》（Human Behavior）譽為「眾人的家庭治療大師」。

薩提亞在家庭治療方面的理念和方法獨樹一幟，備受專業人士的尊崇與重視。她認為，溝通的風格是藉由身體的姿態、身體語言和口語表達而出；因此，她將家庭溝通與親子互動分為五大類型： 

1.            指責型（Blamer）：情緒常是憤怒的、不滿的、冷漠的、束縛的、疑神疑鬼的。行為常是批評的、攻擊的、打罵的、敵視的、否定的、挑剔的。

2.           超理智型（Super-reasonable）：情緒常是固執的、強迫的、冷靜的、就事論事的，講理有原則的。行為常是權威的、獨斷的、規律的、操縱的、理性的、具優越感的。

3.            打岔型（Irrelevant）：情緒常是唐突的、不安的、雜亂的、不平衡的、缺乏自信的。行為常是機智的、幽默的、干擾的、混淆的、俏皮的、莫名其妙的。

4.           討好型 （Placater）：情緒常是內疚的、自貶的、依賴的、無助的、擔心焦慮的。行為常是敏感的、乞求的、順從的、神經質的、取悅他人的。

5.           一致型（Congruent）：情緒常是愉快的、溫和的、自主的、平等的、尊重的、沒有防衛的。行為常是積極的、自信的、同理的、關懷的、肯定的、贊許的。 

上述五種親子溝通型態，您是屬於哪一種類型？請分享。

An internationally well known family therapist Virginia Satir (1916-1988 AD), who is the most influential therapist in America and an important figure in America’s history of family therapy, has a unique theory and approach in family therapy which is greatly respected by many.  She believes that the style of communication is shaped by one’s body language, and verbal expressions. She puts family communication between parents and children into five basic types: 1.       Blamer: Often emotionally angry, discontent, aloof, controlling, suspicious. The behavior is often critical, attacking, abusive, hostile, negative and fault-finding. 2.     Super-reasonable: Emotion is often stubborn, forceful, cold, matter of fact, resort to principles.  The behavior is often authoritative, domineering, regular, controlling, rational, having a sense of superiority. 3.  Irrelevant: Emotion is often abrupt, anxious, disorderly, unbalanced, lack of self confidence.  The behavior is often witty, humorous, distractive, chaotic, mischievous, non-sensical. 4, Placater : Emotion is often self-blaming, self-debasing, dependent, helpless, cautious and full of worries.  The behavior is often super sensitive, appealing, submissive, paranoid and always seeking to please others. 5.  Congruent: Emotion is often pleasant, mild, self controlled, respect equality, non defensive.  The behavior  is often positive, self confident, empathetic, caring, affirmative, and approving. Among the five types above, which type do you belong? Would you like to share?

 管教你的兒子，他就使你得安息，也必使你心裡喜樂。(箴29:17)  Discipline your children and they will give you happiness and peace of mind. (Proverbs 29: 17)

及時的愛(飛揚)        擁抱SMILE的人生(飛揚)    

若不是耶和華建造房屋，建造的人就枉然勞力；若不是耶和華看守城池，看守的人就枉然儆醒。(詩127:1)

全 人 歸 主 。   以 個 人 生 命 、 婚 姻 家 庭 、 信 仰 生 活 化 來 見 證 復 活 的 主 耶 穌 基 督 。

愛 網 製 作 提 供          email:  Julia@julia4christ.org