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Living in this affluent nation, “Junk the old to welcome the new “is literally being put into practice to the extreme. Suddenly, the words from the book “Depravity and Culture” popped up in my head: “In California and Florida, divorce rate has exceeded more than 100%....”(Editor’s note 1)
Indeed, in the society we live, divorce is like a trashed chewing gum once the flavor is gone. Few would frown on it anymore. “If we fall in love, let us be together, if we fall out of love, then, let us separate.” “Marry in good humor, divorce in good humor.” We are still friends after divorce. Let us just be nice and not give each other any hard time!
Unbeknown to us, many new terms have found their ways into our system: First marriage is called Original marriage, then, it’s the Second, and the Third marriage, on and on.
Growing up in a family with multiple marriages is quite tough these days. You have a biological father, a biological mother, then you have a step father, a step mother, and then you will also likely to have some step brothers and step sisters. How do you call the siblings who come from the marriage of your biological parent and your step parent? I am yet to find out.
The Y-Generation
To settle once and for all at your original marriage in this Y-generation is becoming a bit LKK ( Lee Kim Kee, a name-brand Asian sauce- too old-fashioned, hopelessly obstinate.)
“New house is acceptable, new cars are fine, new restaurants are good…but not new husband, nor new wife.” Often I would make comments to my husband after watching the pop stars’ divorce news. Invariably, he would respond: “Are you hinting something or trying to brain-wash me?”
Our home has a computer with internet access, and brain-wash can occur instantaneously while you surf. No sweat. This pop culture of disposable relationship not only floods our media, but can invade our private space through the dancing fingers on the keyboard. In this global village, the whole world is surfing in sync, wherever you are. No place to hide. Everywhere is equally unsafe. Things that seem absurd in nature can touch you intimately before you know it, catching you in stunning surprise and captivate you before you flee.
Internet culture has been orchestrating this e-Generation’s cyber-space. Through e-mail and chat room, a passionate romance can spark, and then you might date and rendezvous, get in bed…, cohabit…. This pet game for our high-tech society is turning many married lives into nightmares. Cyber-dating is the name of the game for this twenty-first century, providing the surfing lovers with a sense of ecstasy that would temporarily fill their inner void.
Instant Sparks & Thrills
For many stressed-out cosmopolitan professionals, the way to refresh is to find temporal excitement in relationships. Started as a playful game, an elusive dream, both parties know deep down that “in the world of two, you should not be here”. But once hit by cupid’s arrow, there is no chance one can get away from its snare.
Working with officemates of both genders can be tempting too. A cup of hot coffee served by a male colleague can easily make a big wave in the heart of a mother with two young children at home. A sleek, sharp young secretary with charming legs dancing inside her skirt can shock the hormonal level of guys in mid-life crisis like electrocution.
On the other hand, the daily grind has turned the Prince Charming and Cinderella into a hopelessly pitiful couple. Suddenly, the one to who has once been vowed “love for better or for worse, in sickness and in health” becomes a baggage for those “suitors for love”.
Lovers would shuttle between extra-marital affairs and dating; Starbucks and Tommy Hilfiger become the Grand Central Junctions for these cool guys and hot girls. And the soap-opera-like romance is catching wild fire in this postmodern era breaking many hearts in the meanwhile.
To Love and to be Loved
In this day and age, “arranged marriage” “ match-makings” are obsolete, no longer reining lovers where free love rules. In the name of love, people are freed from “political or diplomatic marriages” and “the appeasement for revolution”. But divorce index is sky-rocketing beyond any one’s control. It is high time we ask ourselves, “Whatever has happened to the love of free choice?”
Two who were once in hot love broke up when they sobered up, victimizing not only themselves but those who cared about them, in addition to the offspring who had no choice but be born to this world of brokenness as the result of the irresponsible adult ’s one night sling.
Cautions should be given not only to those who are walking into the aisles with marital vows to“Beware! Open your eyes big before marriage, then shut your eyes after marriage,” and “Once you slip, you will regret the rest of your life!” but also for those who takes divorce as a quick fix. Think thrice the wisdom in the proverb: “Just a short sting now does not guarantee you to be free from the life-long pain after divorce!”
Marriage is not to ‘catch’ a good mate, but rather, to ‘become’ the perfect mate.
Love is to have two lives in one, fulfilling the same promise, to build a haven that can shelter the storm, to stay in the same boat however far you sojourn.
Love is a choice for a whole life.
Note 1: Stephen Tong, Fall And Culture, Path Seekers LTD, 1997年，p.26。
(Published
on 《Overseas
Campus》bi-monthly
Campus Evangelical Fellowship-OCM No.79
October, 2006
Scriptures sharing:
Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame. (Song of Songs 8:6)
Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away. If one were to give all the wealth of his house for love, it would be utterly scorned. (Song of Songs 8:7)
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